Men's Room

Teachers are people, too.

I know, I know....it's crazy to think. Heck, when I was a child, I didn't think my teachers existed outside of school. If I saw them at the grocery store, I would just pretend I didn't see them. Because, in my mind, they LIVED at the school, and to think of them in any other light was just ludicrous.

So as hard as it is to believe, yes, teachers are people too. Meaning, teachers use the bathroom just like anyone else. So I understand that SOMETIMES, the need to use the restroom just might completely take over your mind and make you forget everything else for that single moment.

FLASHBACK: I need to digress for just a moment. So bear with me as I share a story from my restaurant days.

I used to wait tables at an upscale steakhouse. It was a fun, and usually lucrative job. At the front of the restaurant was the reservation computer. When it was slow, servers would spend a lot of time in front of that computer. It was like a little gathering spot. On one such day, I was gathering there with some fellow servers, discussing the incoming reservations. As we were discussing said reservations, and deciding which tables we wanted to make our own, a nice gentleman came up behind us. The conversation went like this:

Man: "Men's room."

Server: "Excuse me?"

Man: (leaning in closer and speaking somewhat louder) "Men's room."

Server: (with false enthusiasm) "Right this way!"

And just in case you're thinking that the man changed that one word into a question by making his voice get slightly higher on the last syllable....nope, he simply said the one word statement...twice. Apparently this man didn't have a good teacher when he was younger to teach him manners.

BACK TO THE PRESENT: OK, so flash forward 2 years. In my classroom, I use a bathroom signal. This helps me differentiate when a student is asking a question, or simply raising his or her hand to ask to use the restroom. My students know that if they need to use the restroom, they can raise their hand and cross their fingers, and this lets me know what they are about to ask without me having to call on them. I can motion to them to use the bathroom in our room, or take the pass to use the restroom in the hallway.

On one such day, K raised his hand. He wasn't showing the bathroom signal with his hand, but was rather holding up 2 fingers (I call these peace fingers). I wasn't sure what this meant, other than that perhaps he had a question about the lesson, so I continued teaching, waiting for an appropriate stopping point so I could call on him. When that time came, I called on him. The conversation went like this:

Me: "Yes, K?"

K: "Bathroom."

Me: "Excuse me?"

K: (leaning in a little closer and speaking somewhat louder) "Bathroom."

I was livid! I thought I had done my very best to help teach my students manners....I reminded them daily to use words like "Please" and "Thank you" with the cafeteria staff, required that they say "Thank you" if they received something from me, and always said "Good morning, ____," and wouldn't let them enter my classroom until they had said "Good morning" back to me. But here was this student, speaking in a one-word caveman language, expecting me to answer his statement. I hope my comeback wasn't too harsh...

Me: "Alright, K, I have 2 things to say. First, are you asking me if I will let you use the restroom? If that is the case, you know the bathroom signal we use in this classroom. I know that you know it because you've used that signal before. But if for some reason you forgot it, you are welcome to raise your hand, wait calmly for me to call on you, and then ask your question. An appropriate way to ask might be 'Ms. S, may I please use the restroom?' or 'Ms. S, may I please go to the bathroom?' Second, perhaps you were completely enthralled by our earlier lesson about nouns. And perhaps you enjoyed that lesson so much, you couldn't wait to raise your hand to tell me that the word 'bathroom' is a noun, because it is a place. But just raising your hand and saying 'bathroom' has no meaning for me. You are simply saying a word. If you'd like to ask a question, please feel free to re-phrase your one-word statement into an appropriate question."

K: "Um, Ms. S, may I please use the bathroom?"

Me: "Well K, since you used such nice manners to ask, you absolutely may use the bathroom. But next time, please remember to use the bathroom signal so we don't have to interrupt class time."

After telling this story to my dad, he brought to my attention that perhaps this student simply had to go "number 2," and was holding up 2 fingers to let me know that. Regardless, K has yet to forget to use the bathroom signal if he needs to use the restroom.

On a pedestal

All of my childhood teachers were different. Some were strict, some were funny, some were old...-er than some other people, some were young and apparently just out of college, some were pretty, some were loud, some were soft-spoken. I could go on and on, as I'm sure you could as well about the myriad of teachers you've had throughout the years. But one thing was the same about all of them...I placed them on a pedestal. I loved my teachers. I pretty much wanted to be just like my teachers when I grew up.

And now that I'm a teacher, I have to wonder if I have that same type of appeal, that same type of magic that my teachers seemed to have. I almost want to go to my kids and say,

"You have no idea how I act when I'm not around you. I curse, I make raunchy jokes, I watch TV shows that would make your grandparents blush (well, my grandparents anyway....most of their grandparents are in their 40s and probably watching the exact same shows), I say mean things, and I pretty much do almost everything I tell you NOT to do in my classroom. So don't aspire to me like me. I'm not as amazing as you want me to be."

But I digress...

SIDENOTE: For a few years, I had been growing my hair out to give away to Locks of Love. Suffice to say, my hair was pretty long. I'd start off the day with my hair down, but it would almost always end up in a ponytail. And in that ponytail went at least one pen. And when I needed something to write with, I would reach up, and I would have my pen. Reflecting on this, I suppose it was pretty gross, but at least it was convenient. When my hair finally grew to the Locks of Love length of ten inches, I cut it. I loved my new, short 'do. But I didn't even THINK about the fact that I now would not have a new place to put my pen. So I had to made do with what I had...and I started hanging my pen on my name tag lanyard. Necessity is the mother of invention I suppose, as I actually found this to be a more convenient (and less gross) place to carry my pen.

In my school, everyone is required to wear a name tag...for safety reasons. But we were never given means for which students could wear their name tags. No clips, no lanyards, no necklaces. We were told we would receive something, and I've been holding out as long as I could for clips. But finally, I just couldn't wait anymore; I decided to go all ghetto and use yarn to make name tag necklaces. Yarn is fairly effective, though it gives my kids something else to play with while I'm teaching. However, now almost all of my kids have name tag necklaces, just like me (and I say almost all, because some have lost the privilege of wearing their name tags in the classroom because they use them as noisemakers, chew toys, or a device in which they try to strangle themselves). And last week, I saw one of my students had brought in a pen...and was wearing it on her name tag necklace....just like I do! And the next day, another student brought in a pen, and she was also wearing it on her name tag necklace.

I have to say...I was pretty flattered. Because somewhere along the line, I must have picked up that magic that all of my old teachers seemed to have.

Hair Flair

I've done some pretty crazy things to my hair. As a child, I begged my mom for a perm...unaware that I already had naturally curly hair. The result was something very similar to a poodle atop my head. The "frosted" look was popular when I was in high school, so I had blond streaks, red streaks, and a combination of both at one point (apparently I was representing FSU without really knowing it). In college I had blond hair....inspired by the ever-so-popular Britney Spears era. I've had extensions...first purple, and then blue. Most recently, I chopped my hair off to donate to Locks of Love. I'm in the process of growing it out again to chop off and donate again.

Perhaps this hair flair is inspired by my mom. She might be the reason that the hair extension company stays in business. She's put a variety of colors of extensions in, and currently has feathers and glitter extensions. My mom is a pretty cool lady.

But I digress....

So I understand how fun it can be to change things around in your hair. Lady Gaga and Nicki Minaj are known for the craziness they put on their head. So perhaps my student M was inspired by one of those fancy ladies.

M is a cute little girl. Her attitude leaves something to be desired, but when she smiles, she's quite adorable. I'd often compliment her hair; for picture day, she had adorable curled pigtails. Another time, her straight hair met a curling iron, and the result was quite chic. But a few weeks ago M (or, perhaps her mom decided for her) decided to get a weave. Well, I'm not even sure I can call this a weave. Because I think that weave is meant to be put into hair to make it more attractive. What M has on her head is a combination of Medusa snakes and a mop.

M has never been top-notch in the behavior category. She has some serious issues with respect, and often talks while I am talking or will talk back pretty fiercely. But I think this weave came with a curse. Maybe the chemicals got to her head, or the braids are just too tight, but her attitude has taken a serious nosedive. Funny, because I really didn't think it could get any worse. Some of the precious things I've encountered from M since she acquired her new 'do...

• "I want to break my foot!" (after kicking the wall while wearing slippers for PJ day)
• "I'm 3. No, I'm 1." (after discussing ways a 6-year-old should act)
• Running away from the class, down the stairs, while screaming "I'm just trying to get my stupid dollar!"
• Running away from the class, down the stairs, while waving her sweatshirt around like a helicopter above her head, and then whipping the staircase several times with her sweatshirt
• Pushing her desk away from herself, into another student.
• Screaming and running to hide under a desk after not receiving a holiday cookie because she pushed her desk away from herself and into another student.

There are many more...but I think I have pushed them from my brain. Stay tuned for more quotes though, because I don't see the Medusa mop going away anytime soon.

When I think it just isn't worth it anymore...

I read something like this:

(spelling and punctuation has been kept exactly as it was written)

"My New Year's resolutin is to Be The Best prsen I can be without yellin and be heful and Be Kind. to peple"

Things like that just make me smile :)

I just don't get it

First day back after the much-needed winter break. I think I needed a break from my kids as much as they needed a break from me.

As a class, we spent a lot of the morning reviewing our class rules, expectations, and consequences. I'm still amazed at how kids can tell me EXACTLY which rule they broke, and how they can make a better choice the next time...yet get confused when I give the consequence:

Me: "Why are you on yellow today?"

Student: "Because I was talking while you were talking, I talked back to you, I pushed someone else in line, and I wasn't following your directions when you asked me to line up."

Me: "Which of our classroom agreements were you not following?"

Student: "Be kind, be respectful, and follow teacher directions the first time."

Me: "How can we have a better afternoon?"

Student: "Follow your directions, sit quietly while you're teaching, and not push."

Me: "Excellent! I'll look forward to that this afternoon. But, hmmmm....there's still those classroom agreements that you forgot about. You need to think about your choices as you walk a few laps around the "Thinking Trail." I think 5 laps will do it; and maybe if you do a great job on the first 4, you won't have to walk the 5th."

Student: "WHAT?!? Laps??? Why do I have to walk laps??"

Um....what?? Did I miss something?